I Thought She Knew
by luigi-is-stellar
Summary: A oneshot Sonamy: Sonic finally comes to terms with what he feels for Amy... too late. Not for the faint of heart!


_Just to let you know, this story isn't for the faint of heart. But if you think you can't handle sad or angst, well… carry on. This story is about Sonic's reaction to running out of time with a very special person in his life. It was inspired by going through some old music the other day._

Something to keep in mind about this story, it's written really different, as the mind pattern of someone truly mentally on the rocks, so to avoid getting confused:

_Italic_: Sonics personal thoughts

_Underlined_: Lyrics

And… I don't own these characters, just like 'em. ;p

Alright, onward we go.__

**I Thought She Knew**__

"Hey, Knuckles!" Tails the twin tailed fox soared gracefully down toward his ruby companion, who was standing traditionally with arms folded. His face bore a more grim look than usual, but Tails failed to notice. "You seen Sonic around? Haven't seen him all day!"

"Yeah, I've seen him." The gruff reply came. "I wouldn't disturb him, though." At this point, Tails had landed a short distance behind his friend.

"Oh. Why, is something up?" The innocent prod was met with a slight glare, a glare that between many of them meant an answer to an often asked question. Tails took a moment to interpret, then bright orange ears drooped, and he hated the sting in his eyes when he merely answered "Oh" again. It was all he could ever muster in return, before ghosts of things undone came swimming back. He could only imagine how his best friend felt right now. Perhaps Tails felt a shadow of the pain he did. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder, knew that Knuckles sensed his distress.

"It was never any of our faults, Tails. Don't."  
"I'm _sorry_. I...I can't let it _go_." His voice broke against his will, and he despised that more, that Knuckles wasn't in need of holding it together, he just could. He always felt his own age at these moments, which he wasn't often forced to do. But he himself didn't have that power yet. There weren't enough years of tough heartedness, of love and loss in his back pocket to accept that such a dark time had come to pass.

He lost one of the best friends he'd ever had, next to Sonic.

But Sonic... sometimes he thought about that. He might never get back what he lost.

"Cream is at Rouge's house, I was heading there in a bit. Why don't you come with." Tails nodded blindly to the friend he was no longer looking at. It was all he could really offer truthfully. Knuckles accepted this answer and with a hand still on his younger friends shoulder, he too felt the incomplete distance, felt the sadness himself- the loss of a voice no longer heard. He'd just grown better over time at hiding it. He often wished sometimes, maybe even a bit selfishly- that his good, true blue friend- who had always looked on the bright side- remembered what it was like to do that.  
He did, once. But wishing was one thing.  
He could never ask Sonic to move on, not when he didn't really understand what happened, what Sonic felt. What _they _had been, what they were.  
Sonic was the only one left who _did _knowSonic was the only one who could make himself complete again.  
Time was really the only thing that could make it happen. And thus, he was left frustrated but without options. Again, it was up to Sonic.  
He took one last look out over their homeland, over the beautiful land that now lived in harmony since it all began _and _ended. Thanks to them, everyone in this world was happily thriving, living without fear, living their dreams, being free.

It was kind of sickly ironic.   
He could've sworn he saw a blue streak, heading toward the place he so often saw it going for.

_  
__And nobody else could ever know; the part of me that can't let go…  
Yes, I would give everything I own  
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home…_

**I Thought She Knew**

_I could never show them what I made you._

_I feel so stupid for that now, I feel so childish for hiding it. _

_I placed it on the ground, displaying it on the grass almost shrine like. _

_It's just- I really wished now that I had given it to you._

_The pretty shells I'd collected from the beaches on earth still grabbed the sun in the way that made them catch my eyes in the first place. I made sure to pick only the best, from some of the most revered beaches on the planet. I knew it would have made you cry, happily at that. How many nights had I gone up to your doorstep, the delicate item clasped in one fist, the other hovering over your door?  
I never had the guts to knock.  
Now… well, it seemed like such a useless endeavor now._

I then lifted the ever so slightly wilting flowers from the vase, replacing them with a new, preciously fresh batch.  
Same place. Same time. Same thoughts.  
Yeah. I feel stupid for a lot of things lately.

_Funny that you should ever have known, I always felt stupid about the same reasons you called me it._

I guess I was, in some cases.

_I always figured you knew me well enough to know- and that's where I was most foolish._

_I shouldn't have expected you to just know. I should've used my never ending reserve of bravery for just a few words, for facing my fears- for biting the bullet and doing what would make us both happy._

_I, Sonic the Hedgehog, admit a failure._

_Never out loud, but I have. And…  
I tried._  
_You may have missed that time and time again, but I really tried.  
I thought I was being obvious in my own way. You know… there's a Sonic way of doing everything. I thought perhaps I was assuring you without being too... forward._

I was never very good at dealing with girls, see.

I never _had_ to be good at that. What hero does? Sure, some girls were cute. Some made me laugh, some impressed me.  
_I never had to be good at dealing with girls until you.  
You were the first time someone made me weak in the knees, not the other way around._

That scared the absolute hell out of me.

Sometimes fear overtook sense.  
I was so cool and impressive with most girls… _I felt like an idiot around you._

Many girls would flock to be beside me, baited breath, hearts pounding at the idea that I'd take them on a date.

_You… would bust into a room and save my life. Again._  
_But hey, it's not like I didn't return the favor in aces! It's just… I didn't always get to keep my 'cool' with you. And no girl had ever really taken me off guard.  
I'd never experienced that for myself with someone. _

_I had always been the effect, not the effected.  
Well… there was something different in your dark green eyes, the determination they held, your confidence against other women, the fact that you could sometimes beat me at arm wrestling matches._ (We were a bit _drunk!_)

The corners of my lips twitched, the hint of a smile.  
It was something different. Something special. Something so unique...  
Something that matched-if not complimented- my insanely complicated life.

_You made me feel simple and humble, like a true guy._

_No, it was a fact. I wasn't always 'cool' in front of you- moreso I didn't have to be.  
You'd try to take care of me, even if you trusted me to never fail. Why?_

I always found that silly until I _got_ it.

_You reminded me I was someone, along with being a hero._  
Nobody had ever bothered before.  
Other girls I'd tried dating tired of my heroism, what it meant to date a hero- such a high commitment, that which had been their initial lure to me.  
_Not you._

_It endeared you to me, if anything, you fit into the wild whirlwind that was my everyday life._

_Flawlessly, you fit. You adjusted, and you did it well.  
_For once, I actually felt that I was something other than speed and day saving.  
_You made me feel __**real**_

_She was my once in a lifetime;_

_happy ending come true..._

I had to turn my back for a moment. I couldn't look.

Breaking down already.

So _unlike _me… could this really be me, here right now?

I stared down at my white gloves- typically pristine, now spotted with dirt from gathering flowers. I picked them every day, though nobody would know it.

Even those were a memoir of a failure now.

_You're alone, Sonic. Nobody is here right now- what are you proving? _

The wind felt warm when it lazily picked up, normally inviting.

I ignored it.

The call of it fell on deaf ears.

I don't have anything to prove. I lost something.

I lost.

Why can't I get my head around that?

My other friends worried. I knew that, and I felt for them.  
I know, what I'm doing is selfish.  
But they don't know I'm holding on. They don't know, I've been damaged.  
I need this. I need…  
To have myself right now. I can't be their hero right now.

Not when I feel that I could use one myself.  
And that scared me more than anything, my vulnerability.  
Luckily, there were no threats.  
Thanks to this ultimate sacrifice, there never would be again.  
This world owed me my own space, my opportunity to mourn.  
Hadn't I suffered relentlessly for years for others, and asked nothing in return?  
This was all I asked…

So far, nobody complained.  
They know I have my reasons.

I submitted to thoughts that collected in my head, always the best first-

My jumping into the nothingness, leaving explosions behind! But I was fearless- I was doubtless, because there _she_ was, in my grasp. And she didn't doubt for a moment that we were going to make it. Usually, she'd be laughing.  
For all she complained about our high paced adventures, she sure enjoyed the hell out of them- wether she'd like to admit it of not. I thought about the many times she'd get me out of a jam- tied up, drowning, caged- what couldn't she bust me out of?

I leaned my body against the cold, hard stone.  
Never a cold, hard individual... the irony of this representing such a warm being disgusted me. _It was a harsh contrast to everything about… you._

_You got so good at what you did._

_I watched you grow up beside me- you went so far from when I first met you._

Ah… doing it again.

_There's nobody here, Sonic. Who is this 'You'? You seem crazy!_

I hate when that feeling happens. I don't mean cheesy movie moment, but when my heart really _is_ saying one thing, and my mind pulls for another.

Well I need to do this. This is the way I cope right now.

_You need to think about this, Sonic._

If I don't think about what happened, well… I'm willing to bet I'll go crazy anyway.

…_that's where you were smart._

_You weren't like me.  
I kept it all in, you let it all out. _

_You didn't mind telling it like it was… __**man**__, you were so brave for that. _

_You always complained about how for being the fastest thing alive, you always ended up waiting on me._

But I _was_ finally _doing_ something- at the wrong time, of course.

We were going to go that night.

_That_ night.

_Amy…_

There was that low, dull thud in my gut. It rose to my throat in the form of a lump.  
_I never really cried like that before, the night you didn't show up. _  
No, the night _I _didn't show up.  
Their voices in my head only made my anger rise.  
"Don't blame yourself, Sonic, you're only one guy, it wasn't your fault, we tried…"

We _tried._

We _failed._

I'd… never _really_ felt I'd failed before.

I still don't know how to take it- I'm reeling, as if I was waiting on some huge prize- something that would never come.

Why did it have to be that one night?  
Because I just had to do it. Oh God, I got too weak.

I knew that some day I would, that one day I'd let her in on a secret. One that she really wanted to know. But it was also one my enemies would enjoy.  
To show them a weak spot was nearly sacrificing it to them.  
If I were to date her… I swallowed the lump harshly in my throat.  
_Amy… If I dated you. Who says they wouldn't have hurt you? They already had a close eye on you. Who says their attacks on you wouldn't have grown worse, had they found out?_

Because I had to take that chance.

_I fought against us so strongly- sometimes I got scared that you were getting too close.  
I know you were, I wanted you to. I stopped running. We were growing up, things were changing… I stopped wanting to get away. I wanted to know what would happen if I stayed. Hey… what __**if**__ I kissed you? Sometimes I wondered about the expression you'd have after, and how much I'd laugh at it. Even if it was __**risky**__… I had to go for it.  
I just had to go against better judgment for __**once**__. And I did it for __**you**__. For both of us, really. But I think you were catching on. I couldn't keep up the façade as flawlessly, because really, I was debating wether or not it was worth it any longer. I slowly figured it had to be the right thing. I was so confident that we were tough- you promised me you_ _were in this for __**good**__, you said you'd wait forever- I never forgot that. And finally, I was going to give an answer. At least, I somehow garnished the courage to ask you on a proper date. I was excited by the idea- the idea that had frightened and puzzled me for so long- that now I was going to __**ask**__ you to be my girlfriend. It weirded me out, made me laugh, and definitely scared me. But, I was sure. Besides all those things, above all else, I decided I wanted that. As did you. We could handle whatever they threw at us together. We knew that._

And I was beyond the point of shy- of scared of girls, of girls and cooties, of embarrassed in front of guy friends. Too much had happened. Something had changed in me.  
I guess I woke up to what was going on. I can't _start _to explain it.

But suddenly, I guess _I knew_ what love was.

I teased so much, I fought against a relationship so hard- because I was terrified of losing what I knew already existed- and I didn't _have _to put a lame label on it.

I knew you cared for me. I was _**sure**_you knew that in return. Neither of us was leaving, and we knew it.

_But… still, you were always so unhappy. Even though I never saw other girls, (I was grilled about Elise… but I was a bit dead at the time. I was quickly forgiven in the wake of that fact) you never grabbed the hint. You didn't know! Suddenly, that bothered me. Ooh, it was under my skin, but what was I going to do about it? I spent all that time fighting, bickering and running from you… suddenly it felt like wasted time, I wanted that_ _to __**change**__. How?_

Eventually, that _overpowered_ my fear of what would happen because of it. It just got too hard lying to the both of us. It had been so long, so much time had been spent in the debating.

I ran when I needed to think.  
While I ran, I saw it all again. Homemade ice cream, a shell bracelet with two different colored twine…I couldn't find a piece to match it fast enough in my haste to wear it. Then to hear her voice in front of me as I was running toward her in a crunch, assuring my faithfulness before I proved her right, scooping her up with whatever doubting companion was in attendance…

She was the only one who ever _really _knew me.

_I thought she knew my world revolved around her  
My love light burned for her alone_

She could never look quite as content- as overjoyed as she always did when she was tucked safely in my arms. She had more faith in me than _I_ ever did.

I spent so much time going for runs, just thinking- torturing myself on every lone endeavor, trying to find my final answer- my solution- and always landed at nothing.  
I could never come to a conclusion.  
Time made the confusion turn to clarity, like the adjusting of a lens.

People always told me-and her- that she never understood. The ironic thing was, she really was the only one who got it. Even Tails, my boon companion through disaster or good times, couldn't detect what I was feeling. Thankfully, because really, she was the only one who needed to. I thought they just never understood the complexity of what we were.

_Amy, I never realized you were in the dark, too.  
But I caught on. I took note of your growing insecurities. I knew you were changing, like me. Your crush had evolved into something more, and you weren't alone._

_What I felt began to become solid & certain. And soon it was all I could think about- that one, lone fear I was left with- I ran on the banks of rivers, I weaved through trees, I spent silent hours. Sometimes I'd get so aggravated by everything happening- by my own wants being so ignored, so many expectations, so much I just couldn't tell you. I'd just find the nearest canyon and yell, burn the energy out. That was no easy task._

_I brought you home things that I'd throw into a hedge at last minute. Other times I'd cry, I'll admit it. Most times I ran, to my exceeding limit. Whatever I was doing, I was left with a fear that I'd never dealt with. _

_Was this what you'd always gone through, while I was oblivious all those times?_

_Was I just late in returning what it was you felt?_

_I got that fearful feeling that tomorrow might not be enough anymore. _

_That hit home. Yeah, I was terrified by what I was about to do, but it had gotten to the point that I had to. My fear of what we were about to get into wasn't overpowering everything else anymore. I felt stupid for all the things I could have done different- for embarrassing you, for hurting you, for turning you away, for giving you such unclear answers. All the things I thought were consoling your insecurities about us were fueling them. _

Why was I so dumb? Was it true, what the earthlings say? Do girls really mature quicker, do they have that step ahead? Was I being, so they say, 'a guy'?

Whatever it was holding me back, it was going to change. If not for her, for _me_. Maybe this would be the something I got back, and I'd be hers. Maybe this could be what both of us always wanted. I was so scared, but I was _more _sure. After all the years, I finally clued in.  
She really _didn't_ know I loved her.

_Oh I guess I should have told her  
I thought she knew...  
I thought she knew my world revolved around her_

_But she couldn't see the flame, only myself to blame...  
I should have known.  
I should have known..._

Buying the tickets seemed like such a small thing to do. But rolling them in my fingers- thinking about what I was going to ask, how I'd ask it- how to end the countless years of friendship that had always wanted to dare to be something more? It was beyond the movies, dating and going steady.

It was the scariest but most relieving thing I've never done.

_They weren't just tickets.  
They were the start of something new, something exciting, something you'd always wanted. Something that now, I was sure I couldn't wait to give an answer for anymore. _

_I still have the tickets. _

_The truth was undeniable. I always thought that was amazing about you.  
How did you know me? How did you know me so well- how did you trust me so strongly, to understand that someday, it was going to happen?  
Maybe you never.  
And the idea that I put you through so many years of painful uncertainty, the possibility of putting in so much with nothing to show for it… I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't angry at myself.  
But you were coming. You wouldn't let me down- that was your gift._

_You always showed._

_And this time, you wouldn't be let down either._

_Finally, the ass kicking was going to be put on hold.  
Finally, I was doing something. I even planned it._

_  
_Knuckles left Angel Island that day, because I asked him to. I told him what I was going to do, and all he had to say was nothing- nothing but one of the few truly mirthful smiles Knuckles had ever given, with a rather hard clap around the shoulders- and he turned to pack immediately. He never said anything to me until his pack was ready, and we were standing in front of each other. He was grinning his ass off.  
"You're an idiot, Sonic." I was befuddled, but I couldn't help returning the infectious grin.  
"_Thanks_, Knux. Pretty mild though, compared to_ past_ visits here."  
"Well, she's right. You _sure _take your sweet time, Blue."  
"I do, don't I." I smiled with a hint of shame, looking at my custom, faithful sneakers.  
"We better let Tails know. If Eggman finds out I'm out on a-"

"Would you relax? Not _only _am I a guardian. We all fight that clown on a daily basis _with _you. I don't need you to babysit me, go get ready er somethin'. Smarten up Sonic. And _don't_ be late. You won't make a point if-"

"_Alright, _Don Juan, I get it!"

_But she couldn't see the flame_

_Only myself to blame_

_I should have known _

_The quiet in my life is deafening._  
_I never knew- I never bargained that after Eggman was long gone, the quiet your absence brought would be the most unbearable. I always knew, be it time or accident, Eggman and I were destined to part ways. I guess I never truly considered that a possibility for you and I._

_I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken  
Oh I thought she knew  
I thought she knew_  


_All bottled up, and nowhere to go.  
Like wrapped gifts put in an attic._

_We had so much to do that we never did._

_There's no way you saw it coming- I tried picturing all the faces you would make when I told you, the funny things you'd say that I'd have to hold in a lot of laughing about- just waiting for you to show up. _

_I was planning what we'd be doing, what I'd say, I even had to do something to calm down because I got so nervous, and excited._

_This was it._

_But it got late._

_And that's not something you are,_

_Ever._

_So I panicked._

_Our lives can be scary like that. Oh, how scary they were. Did I even know?  
Knuckles had said it to me so many countless times, but did it ever sink in?  
Someday, one of us won't make it back from your crazy adventures._

_You'd always say it wasn't my fault, it was Eggmans._

_But that night you were in trouble.  
So I headed for Eggman's base, stopping by the lake of rings along my way…_

By the time I hit the scene, everyone was pretty well beaten. I felt awful for Tails- it wasn't normal, to see him so hurt. Eggman battered and bruised never said a lot to me, because it was moments before I discovered what was going on… it was like a metal rod, jamming between gears how hard it hit me. Things seemed to whirl sickeningly when I saw her. I'd been waiting to take her on a date… in the meantime here she was, surrounded by our friends, who were evidently trying to control the situation.

Amy was hurt.

I couldn't see it. All I could see was, she didn't seem to be awake. Her eyes fluttered once, opened to take the faintest glance, one filled with morose and almost a shame. She saw me then, her eyes seemed to brighten, I could still see the shame there- I was angry that she was embarrassed. There was the quirk of a smile on her lips, before she closed her eyes again. I knew she felt she should be better than that.

"EGGMAN!!!"

My scream, so unlike my typically smooth voice, seemed to put the fear of God into Eggman's eyes when I was suddenly before him.

"Sonic, I-"

"You call it off _now-"  
_

"_He can't!"_ Tails voice was a shriek almost, a tear slurred desperation. "We've tried, Sonic, it's different-"

"You _can't_? Eggman…" My voice dipped into an icy whisper, ominous. My eyes pierced him, and his hand grabbed for my red and white sneaker near his face. The smear of blood it left on the brass buckle sickened me in my shock. Was I going to open my eyes in a cold sweat?  
No.  
I've never been that lucky.

"The wiring isn't my design- my grandfather's prototype had-"

"Gerald." My voice cut across him. "Your grandfather… that PSYCHO?! How could you follow his designs, he was-"

"My grandfather was a GENIUS! She's a brilliant design, able to harness the energy of _living things _to further her abilities, but she's the first prototype, all the kinks haven't-"

"Call it off."

"Sonic!!" Tails cried again, to try to reason with me, but I wasn't having it. I was too deep into the haste, in the anger, one I'd never felt so raw before. The line had been crossed. My friends were injured. And Amy…

"Call it off Eggman, _look at her_!" I exclaimed, now on one knee next to the evil genius, prompting him. I desperately wanted to lunge at it- but with so many good fighters lying in pain around me, I thought there'd have to be a clever twist to overpowering this monster. I couldn't just take risks against what I didn't know, not when it could get her more hurt than she was.  
Eggman's eyes lifted to the situation. I took the opportunity to look at her as well.

Amy's cheeks were typically tinted with the slightest pink, now robbed of color.

"Sonic…" she groaned, finding her voice, albeit shakily. "I wouldn't be late, honest. As you can see, a little caught up here…" She gasped, eyes fluttering again to keep a grip on her consciousness. "I _was _ready on _time_…"

"Amy, _save your energy_!" I ordered, trembling. How could I free her without hurting her? The malicious design, which frightfully resembled a human being in its mechanical makeup, was tightly enveloping her in tentacle like vice binds. They reminded me of wires, as if they had a mind of their own. They illuminated in a malicious aura.

"What are those things?"

"Her means of maintaining full power…"

"Her?"

"The prototype, she- I found a lot of good ideas, ehilst on the ARK. Blueprints, if you will- some remarkable designs. She, like Emerl, is an intricate combat design. As long as her opponent has a will to live, she can thrive… she absorbs real life energy, and can get boosts from others attacks…fighting her now is futile. I'm afraid…" Eggman watched through cracked glasses, his face white. "that attempting to rescue Amy is a lost case. She's already withstood so much… I'm shocked she still _possesses_ the will to live. I didn't think it would go this far… I thought I'd attained full control, but…"

I was barely listening. I was taking in this hazardous situation for what it was. Like weeds, they parasitically clung to her, devouring her energy. Her life energy… Amy was dying.__

_She was my once in a lifetime,  
Happy ending come true  
Oh I guess I should have told her  
But I thought she knew..._

In my movements, I felt blind. I felt the power rings in my hands surge their energy through me, felt my feet leave the ground, saw the world spinning at the impossible speed no other had traveled at before me. I hadn't realized that the horrible binds around Amy had relinquished some, to come for me. I felt them attaching to whatever they could reach, felt the circulation leave parts of my body, imagined the pain of all of them wound around me… it only increased my fury, knowing that such a kind person had been forced to withstand such agony.  
Because of me.  
I don't know where I mustered the ability.  
But when I spin dashed this time, the binds couldn't keep hold as well.  
So I ploughed forward.  
I felt the mechanical demon, attempting to keep me from its body.

"Go for the chest, Sonic!" Knuckles voice reached me, and I had seconds before I made contact to realize that Knuckles fist had punctured that area previously. _  
Then I saw white.  
_The clink of the power rings, now rendered useless from the amount of energy I'd absorbed, clinked like cheap tin against the floor._  
_Amy dropped like a limp rag as I met the cold floor myself, hard. The mechanical beast now collapsed- not in pieces, but immobile from the blow. I ignored it, eyes falling upon the pink hedgehog a few feet from me. She let out a sound- a ragged, long gasp.__

"Sonic…" She whimpered, broken, and for a moment I was sure I couldn't get up.  
The brute force in which I met that bot had been intense, but her voice stirred me. "Are you ok?" Her concern for me put me in motion._  
_

"Ames_- _I'm_ here!" _I pulled myself to her, now moments away from her face, and she managed a weak smile.__

"I knew you would be…" I collected her then, and although my whole aching body now screamed against it, I started to lift her. I pushed her arms around my shoulders, to give her extra support. I felt her typically strong hands, barely managing a grip as her fingers found the quills of my back. Their last effort stirred the fur there for a moment before losing grip. Tears pricked my eyes. She didn't even have the strength to hold me. I had to be so careful, she was in such a weak disposition. Speaking to her would encourage her consciousness.

"I'm sorry, I was waiting! I'm so stupid! I should've- listen, we have to get you to a doctor. Is it ok if I carry you?"

"Sonic…" her laugh was more of a hiccough. "Sorry I kept you waiting…" Her breath hitched sharply, and she tried to gasp. I decided to hold her bridal style then, hoping to give her better access to air on her back. I looked down at her face, and she managed to quirk the corner of her lip up, eyes filled with tears, before she closed her eyes and spilled them, succumbing to pain.

"Amy, no, it's not your fault-don't talk yet! There's plenty of time for that when we get you out of hot water…" As I stood, her battered form tucked into my arms, her head lolled back. The expressions of the people around me were horror.

"Sonic I…" Knuckles, wearing fear on his face, seemed weary. " I think she's-"

"_She's not breathing!!!" _I shrieked_. "Tails!!!" _I turned to himaspanic overtook me. I don't know why, but when I was at the end of my rope, I always felt I needed Tails. He managed to get himself close to me.

"Sonic- she needs the doctor, fast!"

My mind went wild- _run for it! Bring her!_ But I knew if I ran at such a speed at this point, it would rob her of her breath regardless.

"I can't run! What if she suffocates?"

"You're right, it's too much for her..." Tails mourned, ears drooping as his eyes raked his damaged friend. For once, my speed was my enemy. It couldn't help me now.__

"I'm a doctor…though it seems a little late." Eggman reminded with a smirk, and my eyes rounded on him savagely.__

"YOU'VE done ENOUGH! Amy?..._ Amy…_" My voice was flooded with the same, pulsing horror that pierced my insides. "Wait, _please_-" My voice tensed, the panic I felt flooded it, and my throat constricted. I didn't have the will anymore, I didn't have the power. My legs gave out, and my knees hit the floor harshly… all I could see was her, pale in my arms.

"Sonic… Sonic, she's gone. You've got to get up." Knuckles was trembling when he came forth, taking me by the arm, but I showed no inclination of moving. The truth was… he couldn't bear to deal with this situation.

"Don't bother him! Leave him alone, what's the matter with you?!" Rouge scolded him angrily as she yanked him back, her typically calm face now taut with morose. Rouge had never looked so blatantly disturbed. The both of them were now so near to me, but I couldn't feel anything.

"Amy…" I choked, willing her eyelids to flutter again, willing her to open her eyes and crack me one more weak grin, packed with happiness at being so near to me. I couldn't accept anything less than knocked out, unconscious, _coma, please_ God _anything_, we can pull her out of any state, but if I'd watched the breath of life robbed right out of her in my arms… 

"Sonic, you have to let her go…we have to get her out of here- we can't stay here like this, Tails is-"

"Forget about me, ok?!" Tails snapped at Knuckles second attempt. "Move!" He got close to us again. My arms now bound around her still form, I allowed Tails room right next to us. "She's not! Let me see her!" He exclaimed, his blue eyes brimming as he reached for her pulse, covered by my arm… "Amy, can you hear me? Give me her wrist, Sonic." His voice trembled, and I was consumed. "Sonic, _please_!" he received her wrist- for the faintest sign of life, for the heartbeat that I listened to that day the wind blew over us in a field, so warm on a haystack somewhere on earth… he scrambled for the pulse in her neck, applying light pressure as his hands began to shake. His young face changed._  
He fell backwards._

Everyone, everything around me, moved as if in water.  
I was drowning.  
My youngest companion, stricken with grief, collapsed back into Knuckles legs, the red echidna offering his arms out to the sobbing young one at his feet. Although Knuckles had stated that Amy was gone earlier, he only now seemed to believe it, and as it sunk in, he turned his head to Rouge.  
She covered her mouth, her other hand reaching for support against the wall, and she closed her eyes.  
Knuckles lips pressed together, and it all boiled beneath his skin in that silent, deadly simmer.  
Amy had left us.  
I felt like the world around me was a movie, like this was theatrics, that it was a sick, twisted trick. That they'd lost faith in this amazing person, this unstoppable girl… but I refused.

"I'm here, Amy, I _came, don't leave me here…_"I couldn't help it. Even against my own will, the tears fell. Even if I'd wanted to hide them, I couldn't have. The warmth, just that glow I felt whenever I held her near to me was leaving her. "_Amy_…"

Everything attacked me inside. I saw her peeping at me over her hands covering her face. Her short pink quills had been sticking up, her tutu skirt making her look so small. I remembered backing away from her, taking it in. The first girl hedgehog I'd ever met. I hadn't known what to say, it was a _girl_- the first and only to take my breath away. I saw her now older, sporting her red dress and long quills, chasing me down Station Square, her laugh bouncing off the tall buildings. I saw her plunging to my rescue, boldly wielding her hammer… I saw her bawling on her knees, promising to love me till the end of her days…

"Sonic, stop, she'd _dead_…" Tails sobbed, consumed in his own misery. "He killed her! You're a _murderer_!" Tails bawled, rounding on Eggman furiously. Everyone around me after that was a dull sound.

I was looking at her, my mind racing, each breath felt like a struggle, like pulling liquid into my lungs… there was so much I wanted Amy to know that she couldn't…  
She couldn't be gone, _she couldn't be_….

_Only myself to blame  
I should have known…_

_All the things I always thought but never said, everything you should've known but would never hear, all my hopes that you weren't aware of… the things I felt but never had the guts to share, could never find the words, could never find the time, would never see the light of day... All that we could have been, snapped shut like an old, thick, burning book. We had no more time left together… and I wasted it, Amy._  
Something inside of me snapped.

"_AMY!!!" Everything _I_ felt, _came out in that one name It came out as raw emotion, almost convinced that if I gave it my all, it would somehow call her back to this world- as if she was getting father away from me. Their expressions… if I'd bothered to look, I would have seen that unabashed surprise, that they _knew_. They were shocked, in the end, to see me revealing myself so uninhibitedly. It wasn't like me at all.  
But this didn't feel like my life, either.

I couldn't care if they knew how I felt for her or not, didn't care about the silly games, or even who was fastest anymore… how had my speed helped me this time? I always thought I was so unstoppable…all of it was irrelevant now, because I was losing. I felt the sinking feeling, like looking up at the surface of the water consuming you, with no hopes of getting back there. Whatever they might have said to me, the looks they could have given me for my outburst, everything was drowning in my ears as I looked at her- it was the only time I'd held her in my arms, and she wasn't smiling.  
Then… I was running.  
Before I even knew how to think again, I was running at the speed of sound, body begging against it, out of the building, away from their faces, away from my failure… going nowhere, just going there so fast that my heart screamed within the confines of my chest.

Before I knew how to react to it, I'd arrived at the location of a chaos emerald. I stood, looking at it in a stupor for a moment, not thrilled like I would be at finding the gem…

Until I realized it's potential.  
It was a crazy shot, but…

_I thought she knew my world revolved around her  
She couldn't see the flame_

The others scattered away from her like ants when I re-entered the building, their eyes falling on me with a kind of sorrow they were afraid of me seeing in them. I was breathing so hard, I was certain my heart was moments from exploding within my ribcage. I'd never felt that way before.  
I'd never strained myself in this way before.

"_Back up, _guys."_   
_

"_Sonic, _it's-"

I threw down all 7 chaos emeralds, collapsing to the floor in exhaustion. As I held myself off the cold base flooring with my arms unsteady from fatigue, I tugged myself near to her. I began to align the emeralds around her.  
My friends joined hands, raising their voices in a reverent, prayer like beg.  
We were giving this a shot. I joined them._  
_Please, please_, please…  
_When the blinding light cleared, when I'd shed enough tears to dampen her bangs, when my friends- still holding hands- dared to open their eyes and halt their prayers…

The chaos emeralds were glowing in each vibrant, beautiful, individual color.  
We were in a place, far from Eggman's lair, but still utterly local and familiar.  
This was a field that I had run through as a rebellious kid, trying to evade her advances.  
We'd practiced battling in this stretching meadow, had group picnics, fought bots…  
But everyone quickly realized what had happened.  
Because Amy; still pale and unresponsive, remained still in my arms.  
It was too late.  
The damage had been done, and with no option but what we had left, the emeralds instead guided us to a place of comfort for our loss.

"Guys…" my voice was so broken, it caused tears to threaten Knuckles iron stare. "I'm sorry. I… failed." I didn't look anywhere but ahead, at the flowers poking up from the earth, followed their stems to the ground. I thought morbidly about having to bury her… the person I'd been too stupid to love while she was with me.

"Sonic…" Knuckles voice held warning, but I ignored it.

"You were right, Knuckles. You know that? You _were_. But it should have been me that got hurt…" My eyes were kindled with a new flame now, as I uncurled myself from her in the circle of emeralds. "He wanted to get to _me_." My voice was low, ominous, as my body slowly moved away from the shell- the empty form that used to hold the brightest light in my life. I would never know the joy of truly having her for my own. "He always wants to get to _me_."

Shocked, they all watched as I was propelled into the air, by a force beyond fuelled by pain, suffering, anger… the emeralds became alit with a darker, sinister glow.

My fur was engulfed in a darkness, the cobalt fading into a midnight hue. My light green eyes began shadowing in a shroud of dark green malcontent, and I wasn't thinking, just hysteria- vengeance, embodied. It was the first day I'd ever felt the want to seek it. I began cascading across the sky, plummeting for Eggman's base…

_  
__A heart full of words left unspoken  
Now that we're through..._

_  
_Shadow was the first to find me afterwards, though I had no intention of being found.

"What's the matter, blue hedgehog?" He approached confidently, but not in the cocky manner he usually did. He paused, red eyes flickering with surprise, when he saw the blood.

"What the-"

"Shadow…" my voice was dark, broken. I didn't acknowledge him with even a glance. "Not now." He didn't say a word. I thought maybe he was looking for trouble. To this day, I don't know how or why he found me there. But he did. And he now had only one question.

"Who?" I knew he was referring to the red stains on my gloves, the smudge on my muzzle. But I wasn't in the mood… I wasn't ready to accept it all. I still couldn't fathom it happening.

"I know you were close to Eggman… but if you want to take it up with me, it's gonna be later." My voice was bitter, and to the point. He just watched on.

"Eggman…" Shadow said it, as if coming out of a daze. He hadn't stopped staring at me, just standing there with arms folded. He surveyed me for a few silent moments, and I spent them boiling inside, feeling almost insulted at having to be seen this way. I was about to tell him to leave… "What did he take, Sonic." His request, for whatever reason, killed any anger I had. Perhaps because coming from him, it sounded sincere. I hated the way my voice broke with weakness when I answered.

"He- Amy's…" Saying it made this whole thing so real. So, with whatever dignity I had left dissolving, I stopped the fight and submitted to the tears. I cried for so long, I was sure that Shadow was long gone. You can imagine my startle when I opened my eyes, and he was kneeling before me, expression unchanged. When he looked down I followed his eyes to his outstretched hand… offering a clean, white pair of gloves. When I took them, tentatively, I met his eyes and found the rarest emotion of all in them.  
Sympathy.

"Whatever anyone ends up thinking of this, I…" He stood, fists balled. "I believe… it's just." He was gone, then. I noticed his hands were ungloved…

_  
__Oh I thought she knew..._

_  
And now back at square one, sitting here on another afternoon... I can hear someone approaching, so quiet. A break in the turmoil…_

"Sonic…" It was a gruff voice, cautious but assertive. "I figured you'd be here."

"Yeah… no surprise." Was my greeting to the darker hedgehog, standing near to where I sat by the cold slab.

_  
_"Sonic? You up for a bite to eat? I was about to go grab some, uh... chili dogs." There was a slight grimace in the tone. Shadow was never a fan of my favorite dish. It was always funny to see him attempting generosity, remembering the way he was before this.

"Sure, Shads." I slowly got to my feet, & he was beside me, silent.

_I know I'll be back._  
And I glanced back one more time, just one more time_ today_, at the future that I never had, the future that _we_ never would.

There was a tired, sad smile that many had come to know as the smile worn by a hero.

People would know me throughout history, the legendary blue blur, see that smile owned by the champion who ended the struggles, and regained a better tomorrow for the future.

I would go down in history as the Mobian who saved tomorrow.

But…truthfully, all I ever wanted for myself was a tomorrow for _us. _

What you would've _given_ to hear that.

You would've liked to hear a lot of things… how some nights I'd lay awake in fields, thinking about what I would let go of to have one more chance.

How the emptiness has grown…

"It's hard to let go. Sometimes, you're… never whole again." Shadow's voice brought a message that rang true to me, and I nodded. He was watching me, as I was staring at my famous sneakers.

"I can't." I felt something strange then, a hand on my back, and I realized Shadow was comforting me. It occurred to me that he was perhaps the only member of our team who'd ever experienced a loss like me. For once in my life, I didn't feel so far from him after all.

"Nobody's asking you to, Sonic."

I appreciated hearing my own name these days, instead of faker. He just knew- he was sensitive to my loss.  
_My loss…_

_Why did I have to lose you?_  
_Thinking about what I would let go of to have one more chance…_

_I'd… never run again, if it would bring you back._

_I would have given up every time my name was scrawled in history, just to hear you speak again…_

_Couldn't you have known that, Amy?_

__

_Oh I, thought...  
That she...  
Knew.___

---

"_Is there someone you know, loving them so, taking them all for granted?  
You may lose them one day; someone takes them away  
And they don't hear the words you long to say…"_

Thanks to everyone who read this fic, and now I think I need a banana split after that one! xo LOL Mercy me! But seriously, I hope you all enjoyed, & let me know by that pretty little lavender box down there. ;)

_Song Lyrics: NSYNC I Thought She Knew, Bread Everything I Own_


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